"Snark Bites" 01/04-10/09

01/09/09

Proposed East Knox Amusement Park Criticized
Proponents tout entertainment value, critics say it will attract "bad element"

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE, Tenn. The Knox Carnival Development Company wants to build a vast amusement park/shoppertainment!® complex in the Midway Road area, but East Knox County residents say they've already heard enough carnival barkers and seen enough dog-and-pony shows to last a lifetime...

01/07/09

National Weather Service: Run on Milk Predicted
One to two jugs per customer estimated for tonight

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE, Tenn. The National Weather Service has just issued a milk run advisory for Knoxville, predicting that panicked shoppers will line up at conveniences store counters across the area up to 6 deep tonight...

01/06/09

Consumers Complain of "Used Year"
2009 too much like 2008, say those who are demanding exchanges

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE, Tenn. Amidst high unemployment, draconian cuts at UT, a downward-spiraling economy and plunging consumer confidence, droves of Knox Countians swarmed downtown Knoxville this morning, fruitlessly trying to return 2009 for an exchange year. The complainants said there's nothing to distinguish 2009 from 2008, but government officials were helpless to accommodate their demands for a new year...