Blessing My Eye
The Lord works in mischievous ways
by Scott McNutt
A blessing was loaned to me. Well, technically, it was addressed to "RESIDENT - TO A FRIEND." But written right on the envelope were the words, "This very old church loans this to you, to bless someone connected with this home." I’m a resident, and there must be someone left I’m a friend to, so I figure it was meant for me.
The letter was from Saint Matthew’s Church, P.O. Box, Tulsa, Oklahoma. And what a delightfully emphatic, colorful, bolded and underlined letter it was. So taken with it was I that I was persuaded to do its bidding.
It grabbed me with its inclusive salutation ("Dear…Someone Connected with This Address"), then wooed me with the examples of "financial blessings of all types (III John 2, Philippians 4:19) – better jobs, raises in salaries, being able to buy and sell homes, buying new cars, and so on." An enclosed flyer gave testament that miracles do happen. For instance, a Ms. Y.G.’s mom received a letter from a friend on "Feb. 22…which was a Sunday evening." After this miraculous Sunday-delivery letter, Ms. Y.G. was blessed with $46,888.20.
The clincher was the church’s honest concern for my well being. "If you need more joy, peace, health, money, a new car, a new house, healing in family communication, or whatever," read the appeal, "we, as a very old (57 years) church, want to know about it." So I elected to use the enclosed blessing, which was in the form of an "ANOINTED PRAYER RUG OF FAITH."
The Anointed Prayer Rug of Faith is a carpet of many colorful adjectives. The letter variously describes it as "this unusual, Bible Faith, Church, Prayer Rug; "this Biblical Faith Church Prayer Rug"; "this Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug"; and "this Church Ministry, Prayer Rug." And that’s in just the first two paragraphs.
The Church Prayer Rug folds out from letter size to 11 by 17 inches. It has elaborate purple and gold floral main and inner borders around a lavender portrait of a closed-eyed, thorny-crowned Jesus. The letter promises that if you relax and look straight into His eyes, "you will see His eyes slowly opening, and He will begin looking back at you. Jesus sees your needs." So I did. And He did. Another miracle!
The letter instructed me to go into an empty room ("just God and you," it said), turn off the television and radio and kneel on this Holy Ghost, Bible Prayer Rug. There I was to pray for the needs facing me. Then I was to check my prayer needs on page 2 of the letter, and place the prayer rug on my knees, in a Bible or under my side of the bed, just for the night. However, the letter assured me that if I didn’t have a Bible, a bed or knees to place the rug on, "it’s okay."
Then I was to mail my list of "whatever you need prayer for" and the Church, Faith, Prayer Rug to the P.O. box in Tulsa within 24 hours, so the church could rush the rug to "another family that’s in need of a blessing." If I wanted to include a "seed gift to God’s work," that was okay too.
I considered the instructions. Turn off the television and radio, it said. It was a spiritual struggle, but I turned the TV off. Go somewhere where you and God can be alone, it said. I went into the kitchen, where there is no television and only a small radio. Anyway, one always invites guests into the kitchen for coffee, and I thought maybe God could fix Himself a cup of java while I was completing the instructions.
Spread the rug on the floor, it said, and I did. Kneel on this Church Prayer Rug, it said, and the full enormity of what I was about to do struck me. They were instructing me to deliver a WWE-style double-knee-to-the-head Smackdown! on Christ Our Eyes Wide Shut Savior.
So I did. I double-kneed Jesus in the head and pinned His Prayer Rug to the mat. And both my knees fit on that small rectangle of paper. Yet another miracle!
Then I prayed really hard. I prayed for $46,888.20, the same amount as Ms. Y.G., who had been blessed by Prayer Rug power. I figured, the Lord’s done that amount before, so why not make it easy on Him?
Then I looked up. And I beheld our poor little pup, who, because of the way she’s built, is sorely afflicted in the struggle to lick her butt. It’s a mighty trial for the wretched creature, stretching, stretching and stretching her tongue but never quite reaching her goal. So I asked the Lord if He could see that she need lick her butt no more.
Then I saw that one of our cats was in the kitchen as well. And I prayed the Lord would strike it dead. Or at least make it stop peeing everywhere. And then I realized I had done something terribly, horribly wrong.
I had not followed the instructions, which said to pray where you were alone. If our angelic pooch’s presence in the kitchen hadn’t broken the rug’s heavenly pipeline, then the cat, which is the devil incarnate, surely had.
It’s harder to follow God’s will than I had imagined. I was lost. I would not receive my $46,888.20 blessing. Cody would be forever doomed with yearnings of unquenchable butt licking. The damned cat would live to pee another place. I sighed and got up, intending to mail the rug to the church. Another family was in need of its blessing, after all.
But then I thought, why limit the blessings of the super Prayer Rug to just the next person it’s passed to? I realized I could do the Lord’s work by multiplying the power of the Biblical Faith Church Prayer Rug many times, just like the blessing of the loaves and the fishes.
That’s the meaning of the picture below. I scanned the Prayer Rug into my computer, and I’m passing it along to all readers of Knoxville Voice, so untold multitudes may receive its blessing. If you have special grace, perhaps you’ll let your dog do a blessing on it too!
Note: Not actual unusual, Bible Faith, Church, Prayer Rug; not actual Christ, Our Eyes Wide Shut Savior. Objects in picture are closer than they appear.
(Saint Matthew’s Church invites you to learn more about them at www.biblicalprayer.com. You might also check out http://george.loper.org/trends/2003/Apr/815.html and www.trinityfi.org/press/ewing04.html to learn even more about this very 57-year-old church.)
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