Xmas: WWJD
How would Jesus celebrate his birthday?
by Scott McNutt
If, with gifts, it’s not the expense that counts but the thought, then here’s my thought gift. It’s blasphemy, I’m sure, but I’ve often wondered: What would Jesus do for Christmas? If Jesus were here today, what would he think of the Christmas season? Would he give his friends gifts on the occasion of his own birthday? Would he be running around, buying socks for Peter, sweaters for Timothy and the latest edition of Grand Theft Auto for Thomas?
If they did exchange gifts, his followers would face a formidable challenge, because what do you get the guy who has the whole world in his hands? Frankincense, gold and myrrh? Naw, that’s kid stuff for the lord of creation. Perhaps a gift certificate for a pedicure? If the seventh chapter of Luke is correct, Jesus is partial to expensive foot washings.
Would he and the disciples have an office holiday party of some sort? And if they did, would he be worried about the usual hijinx you run into at office parties? I mean, there’re situations you can anticipate and forestall, such as Paul getting plowed on the eggnog and making sexist cracks, like "Women should listen and learn quietly and submissively," to Mary Magdalene. But there’s also scenarios you don’t project, like, what if Judas shows up? Those kind of "departed employee" encounters are so awkward.
And then there’s family. Would Jesus have to deal with the annual "Where do we do Christmas?" dilemma, struggling between spending time with his dad, God, or stepdad Joseph? And just think about where Mother Mary fits in. Who will she choose to spend the most wonderful time of the year with, the supernatural being who chose her to birth the savior of the world, or the old dude who foisted all those other kids on her? I mean, you think you got holiday family problems, but the Jesus family has some serious issues to resolve before there’s any holiday cheer in that household.
Assuming Jesus could work out the family thing satisfactorily enough to take part in the seasonal celebrations, how would he feel about Saint Nicholas’ role in all the festive foofaraw? The season’s supposed to be all about Jesus, but St. Nick’s pretty well usurped the starring role. Would Jesus look proudly upon his devotee, as a master looks upon a student whose accomplishments have exceeded his own, or would he be a jealous god? Perhaps he’d be angry about the commercialization of Christmas, and he’d overturn Santa displays like he did the moneychangers’ tables at the temple. Then again, he did have the whole "Render unto Caesar" riff going, so maybe he’d be ok with the jingling bells ringing up the sales with silver and gold.
Speaking of Santa, the application of the "What would Jesus do?" approach tends to take a synoptic view, looking at things only from the perspective of a mature Jesus. But WWLBJD, what would little baby Jesus do for Christmas? Would he like getting his picture taken in Santa’s lap? Or would Santa scare him as he does so many toddlers? Maybe he’d just spit up a little on the jolly elf and take a little nappy.
We can suppose little baby Jesus, like any average tot, would enjoy getting pretty presents and shiny baubles. But what about taking baby Jesus to church service on Christmas? It is the "reason for the season," as they say. But what if baby Jesus started crying while the faithful were worshipping him? What do you do with a colicky Christ? And, after all, it is His House, so shouldn’t he be allowed to do as he pleases, no matter how the other worshippers feel?
Of course, that brings up another taboo subject: How would adult Jesus react to Christmas crèches and nativity scenes? Would he consider them sacrilegious? Or would he think, "Heh, I was such a cute little fellow, wasn’t I? Glad they got my good side."
While Jesus might tolerate nativity seasons, you just get the feeling he wouldn’t have truck with Christmas trees, holly boughs, mistletoes, or any of that other Roman or Celtic claptrap. Christmas cards are a little iffy – after all, Paul got famous by sending epistles, but would Jesus really be up to all that writing?
But, even assuming Jesus would not send Christmas cards, there’s still the brouhaha that most symbolizes the ostensible push to "take Christ out of Christmas": the holiday greeting. How would Jesus address the seasonal salutation impasse? Would he go with the more-inclusive "Happy holidays"? Maybe he’d prefer the less conventional, but more accurate, "Merry my birthday." Probably, given his religious antecedents, his greeting would be along the lines of "Happy Hanukkah."
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