"Snark Bites" 06/07-13/09

6/13
Fans Flock to knoXcon
Attendees come dressed as favorite area politicians

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE - Like any good, hard-to-kill comic book superhero, knoXcon, the local culture and collectibles event, is battling back for another year at the Knoxville Convention Center this weekend.

Recession and scandal-fatigue woes were "a big concern" in planning this year's knoXcon, but organizers say the event is weathering it well.

"After all, this show is based entirely around taxpayer-supported politicians who waste their money - it only makes sense that folks interested in local government would come out to support it," said knoXcon organizer Adam Phelps. However, the cost of a three-day pass has been lowered to $25. Daily passes are $15. Local politicians are welcome to try to haggle the price down or finagle a cut of the proceeds, said Phelps.

Attendees dressing up as local political personalities is commonplace at knoXcon. For instance, convention-goer Steve Rogers attended in an outlandish, oversized Mayor Mike Ragsdale costume. The human-like creature sported a nose at least 2 feet long. Inside, Rogers strutted around like a proud peacock.

For him, the appeal of dressing up is in the attention value. "Everybody takes your picture, and you get to pose with kids, especially if you pretend to read to them," said Rogers.

Phelps says costuming is "a rush" for the person wearing the outlandish garb. Rogers agreed.

"It's fun to see people's faces as you're walking around," he says. "You get the double-take because sometimes people go, 'Hey, is that really the mayor?' and then they ask you to autograph their pet lobster...
http://blogs.knoxnews.com/knx/mcnutt/2009/06/fans-flock-to-knoxcon.html

6/11
Lone Wolf Lumpy Defies Commission, Votes Conscience
"Here I stand; I can do no other," cries scruples-stricken commissioner

From APR reports. KNOXVILLE - The pernicious Knox County Commission, in a special called meeting yesterday, rushed to summary judgment against hapless Law Director Bill Lockett - with only brave commissioner Greg "Lumpy" Lambert strong-spined enough to stand against them.

With nary a whiff of evidence, only -

- Lockett's own admission of guilt that he took money from his former firm;
- Lockett's acknowledgment that he had sought loans from the firm's clients, including a $10,000 loan from developer Tim Graham after Lockett had won the primary race for Law Director;
- Statements from Lockett's former firm affirming his action;
- Statements from one of his former clients;
- And a 30-page petition for discipline filed by the Tennessee Board of Professional Responsibility detailing Lockett's malfeasance

- With only that trifling documentation, the remorseless Knox County Commission voted almost unanimously to be "really mean" to Lockett.

The heroic Lumpy protested the body's actions in the strongest possible terms. He offered up one alternative explanation after another for Lockett's actions - all to no avail, as the rest of the commissioners had clearly already built a case in their own minds based on the slimmest of evidence.

"He may have been moonlighting with some of his former firms' clients, just taking money off the books and keeping it for his own, nothing serious," suggested Lambert. "Or he may just have been mooning them, or other similarly harmless high-school hi-jinx. The point is, despite Lockett's own admission of guilt, the law firm's testimony, testimony of a former client and the 30-page document from the BPR, we just don't know what went on..."
http://blogs.knoxnews.com/knx/mcnutt/2009/06/lone-wolf-lumpy-defies-commiss.html

6/9
Knox County Preps for Annual "Bonnaruse" Festival
"Those stoner kids never know the difference," says county commissioner

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE - Strapped for cash to fund a deficit-laden budget and desperate to score PR points, Knox County government officials today confirmed that they are devising ways to reroute Bonnaroo-bound travelers to downtown Knoxville beginning tomorrow for a substitute "Bonnaruse" festival.

"Bonnaroo, Bonnaruse, Bonnaschmooze - same difference," explained Commissioner Mike Hammond, one of the proponents of the scheme. "Those stoner kids going to Bonneroo, they have loads of disposable income, and all they need is a place to camp out and venues to spend it in."

Sheriff Jimmy "J.J." "Good Times" Jones acknowledged that his covert agents in the surrounding counties would be working to divert cash-laden Bonnaroo-bound vehicles from their destination in Manchester, Tennessee, toward Knox County.

"Yes, all our plants in surrounding counties will be drawing overtime to route those disposable-income-toting lovelies back to Knox County to give our economy a hot cash injection," said Jones.

But not all county officials were enthusiastic about the concept.

"They're dirty, stinky hippies!" declared County Commissioner Paul Pinkston. "They'll be-a practicin' that 'free glove' and 'free birds' and other dirty, stinky hippie things!"

Hammond said that Market Square would be used as a campsite for the Bonnaruse attendee s. When asked why they weren't encouraged to camp at a more appropriate site, such as the World's Fair Park, Hammond replied, "We need them located nearer to cash-extraction facilities."

Although the Bonnaruers may be deceived into detouring into Knoxville, their Bonnaruse trip won't be without entertainment value. Lifesize cardboard cutouts of all the headlining Bonneroo acts will be set up inside the Knoxville Convention Center, "and loud, raucous recordings of howler monkeys will be broadcast throughout the downtown area to lure the kids there," said Commissioner Greg "Lumpy" Lambert...
http://blogs.knoxnews.com/knx/mcnutt/2009/06/knox-county-preps-for-annual-b.html